Today

I love my job.  I was finishing up some things around the house this evening after I put the girls to bed and I just had an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude for what I do.  I also had the feeling that there maybe a time in my future (who knows maybe it will be tomorrow) where I need a slight reminder of this which is what prompted me to write this down.

It is currently 8:35 p.m.  Esther has been asleep for the last hour and Nora fell asleep about 15 minutes ago.  My day was full.  Here it is in review.

Today I cuddled in bed with my girls; got myself and two other human beings dressed; dusted; did laundry (and our dryer is broken so I dried things the old fashion way); cleaned the kitchen multiple times; played blocks; colored; sang ridiculous songs about spiders, monkeys and crocodiles; had a tea party; read picture books; watched cartoons; had one of Esther's friends over to play; scared a pigeon out of its nest (which was on my balcony); changed 8 plus dirty diapers; helped Esther go to the bathroom x amount of times (have I mentioned she's potty trained...yay!); visited with a friend, teared up while peeking in on Esther "reading" her scriptures in her room by herself; cheered audibly when Esther pooped in the potty...twice; breastfed Nora a bajillion times; had meaningful conversations on the phone with 3 women I love; stared adoringly at my baby x amount of times; took 20 plus crappy quality pictures of my girls on my phone; gave my baby a bath; made breakfast, lunch and dinner with one hand; and felt grateful every (not every) minute of my day.

Does it get monotonous at times? Yes. But what job doesn't. And I am with my girls. I get to literally watch them grow, hear them coo, wipe their tears, teach them, praise them and love on the full time.  Do you know how beautiful that is? Sometimes I have to remind myself but when I remember all of the tantrums, messes and stress filled days seem worth it.

The other night, as I was drifting off to sleep, my day played through my mind and I saw my girls' faces.  I imagined Esther at Elinor's age and thought of how quickly we've come to potty training, full sentences and playing make believe and I realized that I don't want to miss a moment of it.  I realize that this sounds like a romanticized version of motherhood, but aren't moments like these the ones that keep us going on the hard days?

I thank God (today, not every day) that I am able to stay at home with my babies. And I hope that I will always remember the meaning in what I do. How often when asked what one does do mothers' respond, "I'm just a stay at home mom," (actually I don't think I ever use the word just in my response) but tonight I say, "hells yes, I am a stay at home mom" and nothing could make me happier!

Topsy Turvy World

Tonight I found my 9 month pregnant body crouched in a corner by the door of the room that my daughter was struggling to sleep in.  As I squatted there occasionally making comments like, "stay still" and "lay back down" I started wondering where my good little sleeper disappeared to in the last few weeks.  I've been getting really irritated with her lack of cooperation around bedtime, especially since Jackie has been in Arizona the last 3 weeks and I've been doing all of this on my own.  As I stopped thinking for just a moment as I sat in my awkward position in the corner, I gazed at that beautiful girl and felt so grateful.  I have less than 3 weeks before the world as we know it becomes even more topsy turvy than it already has been lately.  I have a mere 3 weeks left of time with just me and my girlie before we add another sweet baby into the mix.  And as excited (really really excited) as I am for Baby Elinor to make her debut I realized these are the moments I need to be savoring.  Rather than looking forward constantly to Jack being back from Teach for America training, Baby Elinor being here, and us finally being in our own space in Denver, I need to relish the time I have with my sweet Esther.

• Before the crouching began I laid next to her as I sang her songs and she wrapped her arms around my neck and covered my face with her hair as she giggled and made sing song noises with me.  

• A little before we went upstairs to go to sleep she brought me an assortment of fake food "din din" to eat and empty play cups filled with imaginary chocolate milk, juice and soda.  

• When she tripped while playing at her little kitchen she immediately called for me and reached up to be comforted.

• I found her sitting on a very sweet Jimmy Jasper's back (Grandma and Pa's dog) holding onto his collar like she was riding a horse while he patiently looked up at me with eyes that said, "help...please, help."

• She jokingly said over and over that Sharekhan the tiger was nice and that Mogli was nasty, giggling and smiling each time she made the statement.

• While driving up to Salt Lake Valley from Spanish Fork this morning she sat in the back for the entire hour having her dinosaur toys talk back and forth to each other in the limited conversation vocabulary and known topics that she has readily available.

• As I walked her upstairs for her nap this afternoon she placed her head on my shoulder and tickled my back.

More than anything, this little girl is so good and so sweet.  I am immensely grateful for the almost 2 1/2 years that I have spent playing with her, loving on her, and being her Sausha (yah, she calls me both "Mama" and "my Sausha").  I'm especially grateful for her patience and forgiveness as I snap at her when I am ornery or overreact to little things.  I can't tell you how many times I've already made mistakes as a parent, but she shows me compassion and forgiveness over and over again.  I always had my opinions about other peoples' parenting habits and abilities and a long list of things I wouldn't do when my turn came.  Well, you see your own parenting flaws and weaknesses every day as a parent.  You realize that sometimes you turn off the logic and roll with survival.  But I'm learning.  Everyday I learn.  And as silly as it sounds, my 2 year old is my teacher.


President Packer (an apostle and leader of the LDS faith) recently stated, "One of the great discoveries of parenthood is that we learn far more about what really matters from our children than we ever did from our parents.  We come to recognize the truth in Isaiah's prophecy that 'a little child shall lead them'".  Knowing how much I learned from my own parents, this is a bold statement, but your perspective of things becomes clearer with a child of your own.  Things that your parents taught you seem to finally sink in as you watch and try and teach your child, and you become keenly more aware of the sacrifices and decisions of your own parents and how those things shaped your life and character.  


Before I ramble any more, I'll end this by just saying I am so grateful to be a mother.  And to be a mother of such a sweet beautiful girl.  I am so excited to meet Little Nora and to be taught by her as well.  I was happy before Jack and I had children.  I knew what love was and life was good then too, but my understanding of love and joy have deepened so much since becoming a mother (clique, I know, but so true).  And I'll always be grateful to God for giving me the chance to be a mother.

And just because it has been a while....

Some pictures from the last few months.

Visiting the new Natural History Museum of Utah. Amazing. What an improvement!

Nana with Chase and Esther. Esther adores her Nana! And she also loves Nana's ipad which makes what is happening in this picture a win win for girlie.

Making Daddy so proud by playing with a light saber.

Possibly Esther's favorite person in the world. Anytime Grandpa is home she runs after him yelling, "Pa!". It's really sweet. Grandpa is equally enamored with her.

Mustaches!

Dressing herself. She rather enjoys doing this. Please notice her crayons that she has shoved in her sock too.

Playing with some of her loot on Christmas. She also stole two of Aunt Cassie's new socks which she is sporting under her dress here.

Christmas morning on our way to church with Grandma. (Grandma wasn't actually ready for church yet. I promise she doesn't wear bathrobes to church).

Cheese!

A new hat from Aunt Sharon.

A new hat made out of whatever she wants to put on her head.

And spending time with Great Grandma Mare.

The Times They Are A-Changin

The gales of change have begun to gust in our lives. We knew this year would be full of change, but until recently we weren’t sure as to what those changes would be. Although many of the transitions that are coming are not quite here yet, we are looking forward to all of them with enthusiasm. So, what are these changes I am talking about?

*Student teaching. Jack is currently student teaching at Copper Hills High School. He is mainly student teaching in English classes but has a period of Spanish as well. When he finishes up in about 6 weeks the last thing he’ll have in his way to graduation is an international trip to Nicaragua with his cohort in April. Really, he is getting school credit for that.

*After a long grueling process of interviews and online assessments Jack was accepted into Teach for America. It is an extremely competitive program and only 11% of their applicants are accepted. They assigned us to Denver! So, come May, we are packing up and relocating our little family.

*Jackie got a job! KIPP Collegiate High School, a school that often uses Teach for America teachers, contacted Jack at the beginning of this month. He had a phone interview and then was contacted about a week later to fly to Denver and do sample teaching with a Spanish and English class of theirs. They had initially told him that they would get back to him the following week but by the end of the day they had no doubt they wanted him in their school and offered him the job on the spot! These schools are all over the nation and are doing amazing things for low-income students.

*Last but certainly not least, we are expecting Baby #2. I’m 15 weeks and due mid-July. We are planning on having the baby in UT due to insurance reasons, which means that there is a possibility that Jack may not be here for the birth of #2. Not ideal, but it could definitely be worse.