Topsy Turvy World

Tonight I found my 9 month pregnant body crouched in a corner by the door of the room that my daughter was struggling to sleep in.  As I squatted there occasionally making comments like, "stay still" and "lay back down" I started wondering where my good little sleeper disappeared to in the last few weeks.  I've been getting really irritated with her lack of cooperation around bedtime, especially since Jackie has been in Arizona the last 3 weeks and I've been doing all of this on my own.  As I stopped thinking for just a moment as I sat in my awkward position in the corner, I gazed at that beautiful girl and felt so grateful.  I have less than 3 weeks before the world as we know it becomes even more topsy turvy than it already has been lately.  I have a mere 3 weeks left of time with just me and my girlie before we add another sweet baby into the mix.  And as excited (really really excited) as I am for Baby Elinor to make her debut I realized these are the moments I need to be savoring.  Rather than looking forward constantly to Jack being back from Teach for America training, Baby Elinor being here, and us finally being in our own space in Denver, I need to relish the time I have with my sweet Esther.

• Before the crouching began I laid next to her as I sang her songs and she wrapped her arms around my neck and covered my face with her hair as she giggled and made sing song noises with me.  

• A little before we went upstairs to go to sleep she brought me an assortment of fake food "din din" to eat and empty play cups filled with imaginary chocolate milk, juice and soda.  

• When she tripped while playing at her little kitchen she immediately called for me and reached up to be comforted.

• I found her sitting on a very sweet Jimmy Jasper's back (Grandma and Pa's dog) holding onto his collar like she was riding a horse while he patiently looked up at me with eyes that said, "help...please, help."

• She jokingly said over and over that Sharekhan the tiger was nice and that Mogli was nasty, giggling and smiling each time she made the statement.

• While driving up to Salt Lake Valley from Spanish Fork this morning she sat in the back for the entire hour having her dinosaur toys talk back and forth to each other in the limited conversation vocabulary and known topics that she has readily available.

• As I walked her upstairs for her nap this afternoon she placed her head on my shoulder and tickled my back.

More than anything, this little girl is so good and so sweet.  I am immensely grateful for the almost 2 1/2 years that I have spent playing with her, loving on her, and being her Sausha (yah, she calls me both "Mama" and "my Sausha").  I'm especially grateful for her patience and forgiveness as I snap at her when I am ornery or overreact to little things.  I can't tell you how many times I've already made mistakes as a parent, but she shows me compassion and forgiveness over and over again.  I always had my opinions about other peoples' parenting habits and abilities and a long list of things I wouldn't do when my turn came.  Well, you see your own parenting flaws and weaknesses every day as a parent.  You realize that sometimes you turn off the logic and roll with survival.  But I'm learning.  Everyday I learn.  And as silly as it sounds, my 2 year old is my teacher.


President Packer (an apostle and leader of the LDS faith) recently stated, "One of the great discoveries of parenthood is that we learn far more about what really matters from our children than we ever did from our parents.  We come to recognize the truth in Isaiah's prophecy that 'a little child shall lead them'".  Knowing how much I learned from my own parents, this is a bold statement, but your perspective of things becomes clearer with a child of your own.  Things that your parents taught you seem to finally sink in as you watch and try and teach your child, and you become keenly more aware of the sacrifices and decisions of your own parents and how those things shaped your life and character.  


Before I ramble any more, I'll end this by just saying I am so grateful to be a mother.  And to be a mother of such a sweet beautiful girl.  I am so excited to meet Little Nora and to be taught by her as well.  I was happy before Jack and I had children.  I knew what love was and life was good then too, but my understanding of love and joy have deepened so much since becoming a mother (clique, I know, but so true).  And I'll always be grateful to God for giving me the chance to be a mother.